Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
