dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
