I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize