Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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