not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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