Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
