That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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