Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
