My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
