fuck your aforementioned shoe
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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