is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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