why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
