Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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