I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
