so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
