I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize