I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
