hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
