i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
