In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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