I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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