I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He felt like a one man threesome
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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