Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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