Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
