one two three fourrrrnication!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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