Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
