i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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