ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
