Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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