sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
