i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize