He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
