Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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