I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
