Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
