I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
