perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
