OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
