as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
