Need sex. Gaining weight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
