I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did i walk over a car last night?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
