What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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