In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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