I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
