a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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