Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
