she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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