whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
