My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
