I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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