we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
