I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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