We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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