i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
PANTIES FOUND
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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