Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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