Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
