a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
